A coaching session today made me think about the past:
I was still in Romania in 1998, when I sent my children to visit their father in States during the summer holidays. We were already divorced.
What happened after? He didn’t allow them to come back to me, in Romania! He threatened me when I asked to let the children decide if they want to come back; then, he moved with them to another address, and I couldn’t connect with my children for three months …
Five years went by, until I was able to see them again: they were waiting for me at the Toronto airport when I immigrated to Canada in 2003.
Now we are at 4 hours driving distance. My son is happily married, they have a cute baby, great job and a house in a very good neighbourhood. My daughter is married too; she quit the corporate world to have her own Real Estate investment business. She’s busy… and happy too!
Was it a good decision to let them go in 1998, and not force their father to send them back through a process or asking the Red Cross help?!
During those five years, I heard many people saying: “What kind of mother are you, since you are in Romania and your children in States?” When they found out that was their father decision to not let them come back, and that I was spending 1/3 of my salary for one hour call with them each month, they quickly changed their mind: “What a powerful woman are you, to be able to handle such situation!”
See, it is so easy to judge someone else. And many people do, without having all the details.
What do YOU need to let judgement aside? And be open to accept the people and situations without judgement?
Gabriela
PS: What helped during those five years was the thought that I have to be strong, and I will see them… some day! I strongly believed that I have a subtle connection with my children, and if I give up or cry all the time… they will be able to feel that, and will be unhappy too.
Wow you are a strong mother. I have a 2 year old and my son farther has never been in the picture. I am not sure if I can do the same thing you did. But I understand everyone situation is different. You still have a good relationship with your children. That’s all it matters.
Thanks, Kathy!
You might not need to choose, since you might not get into such situation. But I’m sure you do your best in the situations that occur. That’s what I tried too, and that’s all it matters: to do our best!
Gabriela
Wow you are a strong mother. I have a 2 year old and my son farther has never been in the picture. I am not sure if I can do the same thing you did. But I understand everyone situation is different. You still have a good relationship with your children. That’s all it matters.
Thanks, Kathy!
You might not need to choose, since you might not get into such situation. But I’m sure you do your best in the situations that occur. That’s what I tried too, and that’s all it matters: to do our best!
Gabriela
Gabriela, you are a very strong person and I have learned a lot from you, just from the several coaching themes you provided me.
Talking about judgement, it’s easy for the bystanders to judge not being in a similar situation, not being able to perceive the details around it.
You remember the Romanian words: “the one you don’t let to die, won’t let you live”, this is what happened to you and your husband. It was his right to see his children but in other way he abused your trust and pushed to the limits to keep the children with him in US.
This practically changed your life path and pushed you to follow them or at least be very close to them in Canada, as US does not have an immigration procedure for just about any case.
You did all your best and practically you succeeded in solving the family crisis, more than that, you are close to your children, being able to see them when you like, participating to their own successes.
My best greetings,
Flavia.
Thanks for the kind words, Flavia!
Gabriela
Gabriela, you are a very strong person and I have learned a lot from you, just from the several coaching themes you provided me.
Talking about judgement, it’s easy for the bystanders to judge not being in a similar situation, not being able to perceive the details around it.
You remember the Romanian words: “the one you don’t let to die, won’t let you live”, this is what happened to you and your husband. It was his right to see his children but in other way he abused your trust and pushed to the limits to keep the children with him in US.
This practically changed your life path and pushed you to follow them or at least be very close to them in Canada, as US does not have an immigration procedure for just about any case.
You did all your best and practically you succeeded in solving the family crisis, more than that, you are close to your children, being able to see them when you like, participating to their own successes.
My best greetings,
Flavia.
Thanks for the kind words, Flavia!
Gabriela